Resisting Intrusive Malicious Influences

Repetitive conflicts are extremely common. In fact, nearly half of all couples—around 48–50%—say they have the same arguments again and again. And research from the Gottman Institute shows that about 69% of marital conflicts involve  perpetual problems : issues that never fully resolve. There’s no guaranteed way to eliminate these patterns, but if you think carefully about the ideas below and adapt them to your own situation, you can improve things. Doing so requires steady effort and mutual respect. Why Repetitive Arguments Happen Recurring arguments are stymied primarily by  p rocess ,  only secondarily by  content . In other words, the problem is less about  what  you’re arguing about and more about  how  the argument unfolds. This is why the most effective way to break the cycle is to start with  metacommunication —communication about the communication process (Watzlawick et al., 1967). Most repetitive arguments persist because metacommun...

  Most people have only a superficial understanding of what "meme" means. [The alliteration is purposeful and has meaning to me. You, too, should understand soon.]  Those who use the word “meme’ are likely also to know “mimetic,” but may or may not connect the two terms. If you are reading this mindfully, you will see clearly that the second letter in the two targeted words are different -- e vs. i . That's because they  are not etymologically related.  Since both terms are frequently spoken and written, I thought it might be useful to consider them as a way to sensitize us all to what we are saying and hearing. The words meme and mimetic do share a common conceptual root but, as noted, they have distinct etymologies and distinct meanings, as well.  When most people speak about a meme, they mean an idea, icon, object, or action that is current and popular. But that does not conform to the original definition.  Dr. Richard Dawkins in the ...

 January 4, 2025 is the 60 th  anniversary of my arrival at Marine Corps Depot, Parris Island, South Carolina for the onset of a 4-year USMC active enlistment.  In thinking about that, I reflect upon the fact of my lingering Marine identity, and what it might suggest about identities in general.  Let’s start with my, admittedly bizarre, experience in Spain when vacationing there a few years ago. The incident occurred while I was waiting for a bus at a crowded stop.  A stranger with a heavy Scottish accent walked up to me and said, “You were a Marine.” In total shock, I asked, “How did you know?” to which he replied, “I worked as a civilian on a Marine base for 20 years. You all wear your hat the same way.”  I never had thought about hat-wearing as significant or even noteworthy.  At the time, mine was a plain baseball cap with no logo or words whatsoever.  My best guess is that the distinctive feature was due to the facts that I wore the hat tight...

The power of influence largely derives from the ways that it appeals to our cognitions and emotions. Professional influencers have clear, specific goals that they hope to achieve. They first strive to seize your attention. Then they seek to prepare you cognitively and emotionally to receive their message before they begin to deliver it. Once that is attained, they want to ensure that your frame of mind continues to remain as fully consistent with their goals as possible. In the language of psychology, that means the influencer offers “advance organizers” intended to create in you an enduring “mental set” that renders you continually susceptible to them. Further, because the influencer knows that his likelihood of success depends on how you align with him, he wants to make you feel that he values you. To do so, he might appeal to any of your thoughts and/or emotions. In the present chapter, we look at your mental functions that can be manipulated by those who want to exert their control...

Especially now, with the United States presidential election at hand, we are assailed by a never-ending barrage of comments about misinformation and disinformation. So, I wonder, what is the difference between the two and what are the implications?  One way to differentiate is to say that misinformation is merely something objectively wrong.  Whereas disinformation is objectively wrong and vigorously, manipulatively propagandized. Both definitions lead to further questions.  First, how can we be sure that we know what is objectively wrong?  Second, what does the propaganda promote?  An in-depth discussion of these questions is far beyond the scope of a modest blog post such as this.  However, the fact that I’m writing about it means that I think I have something useful to contribute.  Let’s presume for the moment that you are confronted with information, and have access to the source (s) that will allow you to identify and determine relevant objective ...

Since Socrates lived from about 470-399 B.C., one reasonably can assume that many deep thinkers have valued and practiced what we presently call the Socratic Method for at least the last 2500 years.  You no doubt know that the method employs a questioning and answering format, frequently called dialog-based inquiry.  The process can be slow and even tedious.  Is it worth the effort?  Hopefully, yes. When conducted properly, the Socratic Method enables both questioner and answerer to learn. And that learning is not limited merely to acquiring objective information.  Both also learn about themselves, about each other, and about the way they think, as individuals and as a dyad.  Ideally, their ideas are critically examined, reflected upon, and refined.  It’s no secret that often the putative experts learn as much or more than the novices with whom they are dialoging.  So, those are some benefits to dialogic discourse.  Non-dialogic discourse, th...