Resolving Repetitive Arguments: A Brief, Practical Guide
Repetitive conflicts are extremely common. In fact, nearly half of all couples—around 48–50%—say they have the same arguments again and again. And research from the Gottman Institute shows that about 69% of marital conflicts involve perpetual problems : issues that never fully resolve. There’s no guaranteed way to eliminate these patterns, but if you think carefully about the ideas below and adapt them to your own situation, you can improve things. Doing so requires steady effort and mutual respect. Why Repetitive Arguments Happen Recurring arguments are stymied primarily by p rocess , only secondarily by content . In other words, the problem is less about what you’re arguing about and more about how the argument unfolds. This is why the most effective way to break the cycle is to start with metacommunication —communication about the communication process (Watzlawick et al., 1967). Most repetitive arguments persist because metacommun...