Be Quiet !

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Since Socrates lived from about 470-399 B.C., one reasonably can assume that many deep thinkers have valued and practiced what we presently call the Socratic Method for at least the last 2500 years.  You no doubt know that the method employs a questioning and answering format, frequently called dialog-based inquiry.  The process can be slow and even tedious.  Is it worth the effort?  Hopefully, yes.

When conducted properly, the Socratic Method enables both questioner and answerer to learn. And that learning is not limited merely to acquiring objective information.  Both also learn about themselves, about each other, and about the way they think, as individuals and as a dyad.  Ideally, their ideas are critically examined, reflected upon, and refined.  It’s no secret that often the putative experts learn as much or more than the novices with whom they are dialoging.  So, those are some benefits to dialogic discourse. 

Non-dialogic discourse, then, produces one-sided communications or actions that inhibit both objective learning and mutual understanding. Before you can avoid `those problems, of course, you first must be mindful of the most common dialogue impediments.  Among these are:

Monologue: One person dominates the conversation without allowing others to contribute.
Authoritarianism: Imposing one's ideas or viewpoints without considering or engaging with others’ perspectives.
Interruptions or Dismissals: Cutting someone off before they can fully express themselves or dismissing their opinions outright.
Lack of Listening: When one party does not actively listen or show genuine interest in the other person's point of view.
Ignoring Feedback: Failing to respond to or acknowledge the other person’s input.

There is another very critical issue that I never have seen or heard anyone explicitly raise.  It is one that I introduced and discussed at length in my Questioning & Answering book.  In brief, I suggested that one can have discussions that pose as dialogic but clearly are not.  I have termed one of these as “incompatible message and/or relationship pseudo-dialogue” (IMRD). These occur when interlocutors’ talk masquerades as dialogue, but really is non-dialogic attack.   Often the topic is a proverbial hot-button issue, such as political, religious, or racial opinions.  The varieties of assault also are discussed in my Questioning & Answering book.  Two common ones are the “ad hominem” attack wherein a derogatory claim is lodged against an interlocutor rather than commenting on the objective topic being addressed.  Another is “guilting” in which the attacker tries to make the counterpart feel solely responsible for a problem. Both these IMRD attacks explicitly or implicitly weaponize message and relationship emotion to win a battle rather than rationality to argue an objective point.

 You know that you are in a IMRD relationship when any single or combination of he following obtains:

1. The talk is primarily parallel monologue instead of reciprocal dialogue.
2. There is lack of emotional or intellectual intimacy.
3. The focus is transactional, based only on practical or superficial needs.
4. You perceive lack of empathy and responsiveness.
5. One person employs significantly more power or authority during the encounter.

To facilitate dialogic discourse, be responsible and proactive.   Ensure that you are not weaponizing.  Do your best to promote authentic dialogue.  Refuse to participate in IMRD.  When it begins, label it immediately and explicitly. Invite a restart, but with the stipulation that honest, open, objective dialog scrupulously must be maintained.

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